There is a house now far away where once
I received love……. That woman died,
The house withdrew into silence, snakes moved
Among books, I was then too young
To read, and my blood turned cold like the moon
How often I think of going
There, to peer through blind eyes of windows or
Just listen to the frozen air,
Or in wild despair, pick an armful of
Darkness to bring it here to lie
Behind my bedroom door like a brooding
Dog…you cannot believe, darling,
Can you, that I lived in such a house and
Was proud, and loved…. I who have lost
My way and beg now at strangers' doors to
Receive love, at least in small change?
Kamala Das
Introduction
The poem, My Grandmother’s House, first appeared in Kamala Das’s first anthology of verse titled Summer Time in Calcutta (1905). It is also an autobiographical poem in which the poet’s longing for her parental house in Malabar is movingly described. She is reminded of the ancestral house where she had received immense love and affection from her grandmother.
The poet’s feminine sensibility finds its clearest loveless relationships in it. A note of pessimism runs throughout the action of the poem. It reveals the poet’s painful unfulfilled desire to visit her grandmother’s house to which she is deeply and emotionally attached. The poet is shocked to learn that the house is all in ruin after the death of her grandmother. She suffers in silence due to the wear and tear it has undergone in her absence. A death-like silence reigns in her grandmother’s house.
Moreover, the intensity of her grief is suggestively conveyed by the ellipses in the form of a few dots in this section of the poem. It was her disenchantment with her loveless marriage which reminded her of her grandmother’s pure and selfless love. Her heart is itself like a dark window where the fresh air does not blow. The image of the house has stuck to her mind. The poet has also used the similes of a brooding dog show her inability to pay a visit to her grandmother’s house. She has also used suggestive visual imagery of ‘blind eyes of the windows’ and ‘the frozen air’ to convey the idea of death and desperation.
Summary
“My Grandmother’s House” is a constituent poem of Kamala Das’s maiden publication Summer in Calcutta. Though short, the poem wraps within itself an intriguing sense of nostalgia and uprootedness. In her eternal quest for love in such a ‘loveless’ world, the poet remembers her grandmother which surfaces some emotions long forgotten and buried within her-- an ironical expression of her past which is a tragic contrast to her present situation. It is a forcefully moving poem fraught with nostalgia and anguish.
The poet says that there is a house, her grandmother’s home, far away from where she currently resides, where she “received love”. Her grandmother’s home was a place she felt secure and was loved by all. After the death of her grandmother, the poet says that even the House was filled with grief, and accepted the seclusion with resignation. Only dead silence haunted over the House, feeling of desolation wandering throughout. She recollects though she couldn’t read books at that time, yet she had a feeling of snakes moving among them-- a feeling of deadness, horror and repulsion, and this feeling made her blood go cold and turn her face pale like the moon. She often thinks of going back to that Old House, just to peek through the “blind eyes of the windows” which have been dead-shut for years, or just to listen to the “frozen” air.
The poet also shows the ironical contrast between her past and present and says that her present has been so tormenting that even the Darkness of the House that is bathed in Death does not horrify her anymore and it is a rather comforting companion for her in the present state of trials. The poets says that she would gladly (“in wild despair”) pick up a handful of Darkness from the House and bring it back to her home to “lie behind my bedroom door” so that the memories of the Old House and its comforting darkness, a rather ironical expression, might fill assurance and happiness in her present life.
She wraps up the poem saying that it is hard for one to believe that she once lived in such a house and was so loved by all and lived her life with pride. That her world was once filled with happiness is a sharp contrast to her present situation where she is completely devoid of love and pride. She says that in her desperate quest for love, she has lost her way; since she didn’t receive any feelings of love from the people whom she called her own, she now has to knock “at strangers' doors” and beg them for love, if not in substantial amounts, then atleast in small change i.e. in little measure atleast.
The poet has intensified the emotions of nostalgia and anguish by presenting a contrast between her childhood and her grown-up stages. The fullness of the distant and absence and the emptiness of the near and the present give the poem its poignancy. The images of “snakes moving among books”, blood turning “cold like the moon”, “blind eyes of window”, “frozen air”’ evoke a sense of death and despair. The house itself becomes a symbol - an Ednic world, a cradle of love and joy. The escape, the poetic retreat, is in fact, the poet’s own manner of suggesting the hopelessness of her present situation. Her yearning for the house is a symbolic retreat to a world of innocence, purity and simplicity
Analysis
There is a house now far away where once
(…)
To read, and my blood turned cold like the moon
The poem, My Grandmother’s House, which can be read in full here, shows Kamala Das’s intense love and attachment to it. She suffers from an acute sense of alienation after having left this place after her marriage.
The poet now lives in a big city after her marriage, a remote place from her grandmother’s house. She is reminded of her grandmother’s house where she spent her memorable childhood. Ironically, it is the only place where she received love from her grandmother. The death of the grandmother is even mourned by the house to which she was emotionally attached. A death-like silence reigned in the house after her exit from this world. It seems that the grandmother was the very soul of this house. Being deserted, the snakes cold be seen among books in the library of the house. At that point of time she was too young to read those books which looked quite horrible and repulsive like snakes. She was almost frozen with fear at the passing away of her grandmother and seemed cold like the moon.
The very opening lines of the poem capture alive the poet’s mood of nostalgia. She is reminded of the happiest days of her childhood which she spent in the company of her grandmother. She was deeply attached to her grandmother who was very caring and affectionate to her. She was emotionally destabilized after the death of her grandmother and felt almost heart-broken. The intensity of her grief is suggestively conveyed by the ellipse in the form of a few dots in this section of the poem. It was her disenchantment with her loveless marriage which reminded her of her grandmother’s pure and selfless love.
How often I think of going
(…)
Dog…
In the above lines of the poem, My Grandmother’s House, the poet defines her relationship with her grandmother in a very moving manner. Kamala Das is reminded of the happiest days of her childhood which spent with her grandmother. The poet was deeply attached to her grandmother who was very caring and affectionate to her. She was emotionally shattered after the death of her grandmother who had been the chief source of inspiration in her life.
The poet often longs to visit her grandmother’s house to which she was emotionally attached since her childhood. It has been a place of security and protection which is sadly missing in her new house in the city. She would like to peep through the dust-ridden or coloured panes of windows which were shut after the death of the grandmother. She would like to listen and feel the still atmosphere prevailing in the house. It is this longing to revisit her grandmother’s house that adds to her sense of frustration and hopelessness. The darkness of her grandmother’s house can have no terrifying impact on her. She would like to gather some darkness, some memories of the grandmother’s house and bring them to her present city residence. The very memories of her grandmother’s house will have a soothing impact on her loveless and hopeless married life.
The poet is in a mood of reminiscence and recreates the plight of the grandmother’s house after her departure from the scene of life. She gives us the very feel of the house in its state of neglect and desertion. The poet has used the simile of a brooding dog to show her inability to pay a visit to her grandmother’s house. She has employed suggestive visual imagery of ‘blind eyes of the windows’ and ‘the frozen air to convey the idea of death and desperation.
you cannot believe, darling,
(…)
Receive love, at least in small change?
In these lines of the poem, the poet says how her frustration and disenchantment in the marital life forced her to go in for extra-marital relationship. The poet often longs to visit her grandmother’s house to which she was emotionally attached since her childhood. Unlike her miserable city life with her husband, it had been a place of security and genuine love for her.
Here the poet informs her dear husband that he can never believe the intensity of love that she received from her grandmother. He can never realize that she was extremely proud of her grandmother’s house where she was deeply loved by her grandmother. It is her separation from her grandmother’s house after marriage that has ruined her life for ever. It is loveless and hopeless married life that has crippled her sense of pride and love which she used to have in her grandmother’s house. She has become a beggar for love who knocks helplessly at strangers’ doors to receive at least in a small measure. She has almost lost her way in search of genuine and selfless love.
Kamala Das exposes the futility of loveless and hopeless marital relationships in these five concluding lines of the poem. It shows the agony and humiliation of a married woman who is forced to seek extra-marital relationships to seek love for her emotional satisfaction. It is the mood of nostalgia that dominates the closing phase of the poem. The poet is reminded of her grandmother’s house where received love and safety in her childhood. She has lost all her identity and freedom in her loveless relationship.
(Explanation in Tamil)
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